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Acting on this belief, spouses often try to resolve their conflicts by repeatedly stating and restating their respective rationals during disagreements.

As we observed earlier, it is not the number or intensity of arguments that is problematic but rather whether or not resolution of those arguments is likely or possible.

Like a steam-valve in a pressure cooker, the partners start avoiding one another so as to minimize their conflicts.

Gottman calls this final stage, "Stonewalling", perhaps after the image of a partner hiding behind a stone wall designed to protect him or her from further assault.

Importantly, the 'bad' behavior that the spouse demonstrates doesn't have to be something he or she actually does.

Instead, it could be something that he or she doesn't do, that the spouse expects them to do (such as rembering to put the toilet seat down after use).




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