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What they observed is that anxiously attached individuals are naturally pessimistic about their chances of finding someone else.As a result of this pessimism they feel longing for their ex-partners when broken up and put up with more ‘crap’ during their relationship in order to feel secure.They might tell you you are not allowed to hang out with a certain person anymore, or wear a certain shirt, or go to a certain restaurant. Because they have a depressing family life, come from a broken home, had parents that didn’t love them right, are in debt, can’t hold a job, have a disease, a psychotic ex, a broken heart, low self-esteem….whatever their story is, they will make you feel sympathy for it. As real as they might be, and as sad as they might be, they are a trap that keeps you stuck. Abuse Is Not Romantic Art Blog Current Affairs Eleven Featured inspiration Links Outside Resources personal reflection Poetry quotes Rape Rape Culture Recovery Relationship Violence Resources for Victims Sex Sexual Assault Think About It Think About It Types of Abusers You Call This Love"According to a recent survey conducted by Liz Claiborne Inc.Of course, your partner is allowed to do whatever he or she wants and you are not allowed to question them, but they will control everything you do. You can’t control what happened to them, and you can’t solve it for them. Even if you were perfect, your partner would make you out to be completely messed up. They can be funny, easy-going, exciting, attractive. You feel a pull to them, and they make you feel special. They act as if they are the smartest, hottest, richest or most successful person and everyone knows it. You did something wrong first to make them explode.If he or she does something that is clearly wrong, they will find a way to turn it back around on you. They will even tell you this if they get the chance. The police have always been out to get them even though they never do anything wrong.Or, if they do something nice for you, they feel entitled to a reward, and if you don’t do what they want, they are entitled to punish you. Your partner embarrasses you in front of other people or talks badly behind your back. They might talk to other people about how bad they have it and how hard it is to date someone like you.

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They might bring up personal issues at inappropriate times. If you work hard to fix one thing, they will find something else that is wrong. They always have an excuse or a story or someone to blame: someone caused them to act the way that they did.

I’ve come up with, what I believe to be, a fairly good approximation of what is going on. If your ex has moved on seemingly quickly, it may have to do with her attachment pattern, which might very well be .

A study from the University of Toronto has found that anxiously attached individuals can more easily let go of their ex-partners if they focus on someone new.

They are saying that simply by giving a woman optimistic suggestions they can reduce her longing for her (ex-) partner.

If something as trivial as optimistic suggestions can change her feelings about you, imagine what genuine interest from another guy could do. If your ex-girlfriend has an anxious attachment pattern, she may have stayed with you only because she was pessimistic about her alternatives.




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