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She spent years studying abroad and has an American boyfriend whom she says she would “never” introduce to her family.

But the relationship has no future unless Lulwa leaves her country, or he proposes marriage and converts to Islam. Finding and maintaining a relationship is a challenge even for those who haven’t fallen for a foreigner.

“They said, ‘If you sign, we’ll take you home and not tell your parents.’ Instead they took me to jail.” Her mother and brother got her released the next day, and the episode has been kept secret from everybody else except her best friend.

Fadila is lucky — experiences like hers have cost other women their lives.

But the couple was, in fact, being watched by the religious police. She says it later emerged that he had been having affairs with a number of women and drinking regularly.

“They wanted him, but they used me to get to him,” she says.

Lulwa, 27, bridles at a deep-seated sexism in Saudi society that she says reduces women to their reproductive functions, even among some members of her liberal circle in which the genders mix and alcohol is sometimes served at parties.

“You were born to give birth — that’s your mission in life,” she says.

“The elephant in the room is that everybody engages in it, but nobody talks about it,” says Lulwa, an aspiring filmmaker who wears bright red lipstick and lets her headscarf slip off when she thinks she can get away with it.

But at the same time, I am a very loyal, faithful and caring woman, who has lots of love to give to the right man...

I don't understand much of what happens, but I go on hoping someday I'll understand.

Girls and boys are educated separately, and workplaces that employ women are nominally segregated.

So meeting, dating and getting married can be a treacherous obstacle course.




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